Treacherous Misinformation
by James Tuddrussell
Summary: Naruto spent ten years as a wanderer. Now he's returned to Konoha, and must train a Genin squad. Character death, violence, mild language, and cynicism abound.
1. Chapter 1

Treacherous Misinformation, Chapter One: Leitmotif

I was patrolling the perimetre of my camp on the outskirts of Iwagakure when I ran into an old friend.

Shikamaru walked out of the shadows behind me, and looked at me with a smug expression. "Naruto. You are listed as deceased in the shinobi registry, I'm hoping that there is a very good reason why you have yet to correct this oversight."

There was of course nothing I could say that Shikamaru couldn't see through, and if I tried to run or attack then I'd find myself in the bingo books by morning. If I know Shikamaru, and I like to think I do, then he already sent word back to Konoha. I took a look down and sure enough Shikamaru's shadow had mine in its grasp. "I believe that this is where you explain yourself, and it had better be good. My Genin are training to be an interrogation squad, and you'd make for a very good advanced demonstration."

I nodded. "There's a scroll in my pack, it should answer all your questions." Shikamaru retrieved the scroll, and carefully scanned it for traps. He then read the scroll, and released the jutsu holding me in place.

The scroll detailed the mission Tsunade gave me nearly twelve years ago, it was to be my last mission before I died from the effects of the Kyuubi's chakra. She made it open ended so I could see the world in the few months I had left. As you might have guessed, that prognosis was... A little bit off. "This could very well be a forgery, but a quick trip to the mission registry to find its counterpart will be all the evidence you need to prove I'm not a missing nin." He gave me a stern look. "It does not explain why you have not sent a mission report, _or told anyone that you are still alive!"_

I scratched the back of my head sheepishly. "To be honest I was going to return, but when I tried to contact Tsunade to ask her why I wasn't dead yet I got the bad news. Her death was... Just too much to handle."

I sighed, then continued. "By the time got my stuff together I found out that I was a dead man and that people had already gotten over it. As far as I knew I could keel over at any minute, returning would just put the people I care about through more pain. I only found out a few years ago that my... chakra problem just sort of... corrected itself." I didn't tell him exactly how I _made_ it correct itself, though I wouldn't be surprised if he could eventually figure it out.

Shikamaru thought for a bit. "You'll have to report to the Hokage about this, according to this scroll you are still an active shinobi working for Konoha. However you are also listed as dead, and any such contradiction must be brought before the Hokage for consideration no matter how troublesome it is." I nodded, and we made our way to his camp. We sort of came to the wordless understanding that he would lead me back to Konoha, I'm a little nervous about what measures he took that made him so sure that I wouldn't run away or cause any trouble. It was at about that moment I noticed that my shadow had a noose around its neck.

It turns out that he and his Genin squad were on a scouting mission, and were on their way back when he caught wind of me. I didn't need to ask how, as this whole forest practically stinks of my chakra signature. As we walk back to my camp so I can get my supplies, I make sure to get to know the Genin.

Shikamaru watched me the whole time, I could almost hear the gears turning in his head. I saw him looking me over more closely, probably making note of my physical changes. The bags under my eyes, my pallid complexion, and most of all my greying hair. I'm just barely pushing thirty and yet I look like an old man, shooting up with demon blood will do that to you. Luckily he seemed to attribute the changes to my mysterious chakra disease, or the effects of the Kyuubi if he's privy to that information. I'd bet anything he read my file the moment it was declassified.

After I gathered my belongings Shikamaru told his team to scout ahead. "I need to know a few things before we continue. First: Are you a threat to my team, Konoha, or anyone who lives in fire country? Second: What do you intend to do in Konoha? Are you hoping to return to active duty?"

I composed myself, and replied as best I could. "I haven't changed so much that I would even consider hurting my friends, and I have no intention of harming the village or its people. I may have been gone for a while, but that place is still my home and I'll fight for it if the Hokage allows me to."

Shikamaru nodded grimly, and sent up a small fire jutsu to call his team back. We regrouped and began our trip back to Konoha, the noose was around my shadow's neck the whole time but Shikamaru didn't seem too suspicious of me. The jutsu was probably more of a formality than anything else, though with him it's hard to tell.

By the time we got to the border of Fire Country Shikamaru was beginning to show signs of chakra exhaustion, but luckily for him an ANBU squad took over. I couldn't quite hear what they said, but I got enough to know that Shikamaru did indeed send a report about me back. Probably by summon, deer contract I'd bet.

The ANBU captain forced some chakra restricting gloves on my, and hogtied me with ninja rope. Not exactly a comfortable way to travel but it's better than being hauled in a body bag. They escorted me the rest of the way back to Konoha. The bastards didn't even give me a chance to take in the sights before the tossed me in an interrogation cell.

I do hope Ibiki is still around. Mostly because he rightfully considers torture to be a punishment rather than an effective interrogation method. I would later find out that Ibiki had retired from active service to become an instructor at the Ninja Academy.

After about an hour or so, I found myself being glared at in the office of Ino Yamanaka. "Naruto you big jerk, I mourned you!" I told her what I told Shikamaru, and she seemed to understand somewhat. Tsunade's death effected her a great deal as well.

After we were through with the official interrogation We got to talking. She asked me about what I got up to during my travels, and I asked her about any interesting developments that occurred during my ten years I was gone.

I learned that Hinata became clan head, that Neji is now an ANBU captain, Kurenai's daughter became a Chuunin recently, Hanabi died leaving Konohamaru to take care of their kids, Shizune is running the hospital, Tenten became a Special Jonin, Gai is in a coma, Lee is the new Taijutsu instructor at the academy, Shino and Kiba joined ANBU, and that most of the rest of my old friends are leading Genin squads.

Of all the things she said, one stuck out to me in particular. "How did they manage to force Kakashi to be Hokage? They've been trying to get him under that damn hat since the Fourth died!" Ino looked mildly annoyed. "For your information, he volunteered to be Hokage. The fact that as far as he knew his squad consisted of himself, four dead people, a weirdo hermit, and a traitor might have had something to do with it!"

I frowned at that, while true, it was a bit harsh. "How is Sasuke holding up anyway? Is he out on parole yet?" She scowled at me, she must not be as... forgiving as I am. "If it were up to me he'd rot in that cell, but he'll be eligible for parole starting after the upcoming Chuunin exams. He has been behaving himself, and word on the street is that he'll be released... I just don't know if I can ever forgive him for what he did, I still don't see how _you_ of all people could forgive him."

As always, I didn't answer he implied question. I'm not even sure if I understand it myself. She signed some papers, handed them to me, then told me to head directly to Kakashi's office. I nodded, and made my way there. Making sure to take a route that was as scenic as possible.

Once I arrived I found Kakashi looking much the same as he always did, except with a profoundly disappointed look in his eye. After about four hours of talking, arguing, explanations, and one long lecture I left with a renewed shinobi license and my first assignment. The fact that I turned in ten years worth of intelligence on every hidden village probably had something to do with that.

Of course now I have the very serious problem of not having a place to stay. I might be able to convince Ino to let me stay at her place, but it would be better for everyone if I just stay at a motel until I can find a new apartment.

On top of that I'm going to be assigned a freaking Genin squad... Less than a day ago my biggest worry was bears getting into my food!


	2. Chapter 2

Treacherous Misinformation, Chapter Two: Affrettando

Naruto looked over his new Genin, and took careful note of their appearance and gear. He was still new to the whole Jonin sensei thing, and wanted to make sure he could pick them out in a crowd.

The first two Genin are Naomi and her brother Hiroki, both are orphans. Takeo, the third Genin, comes from a family of refugees from Earth Country.

Takeo is the biggest, and has messy hair the colour of dry grass. He's muscular, with a very bulky look. His clothes are simple, and consists of a dirty brown tunic and a ratty pair of pants. He has no shoes, and his headband is worn like a bandana. He carries his supplies in a leather over-the-shoulder bag.

Hiro was a little over a head shorter, and had black well groomed hair. He has a hungry look in his dark green eyes, and a smug look on his slightly gaunt face. He wore dark green jinbei with a Konoha symbol on the back, the jacket part was open and he was wearing a sarashi underneath. His headband was worn like an armband, and he had the usual ninja sandals. He wore a simple backpack.

Naomi was the shortest, and was rather wiry. She has hazel eyes, and black hair. She wore a brown gi and off white hand wraps, her headband was worn like an actual headband. She had wrappings on her feet instead of shoes. Her bag was large, and made for hiking.

Naruto had spent the past week evaluating them, and had deemed them ready to be Genin. He decided to skip the typical D-Rank mission nonsense and immediately began training them to be Chuunin. He made a request to take them on an extended training trip. The Hokage was initially against the idea, but relented after a bit of political finagling. Political skills are more useful than kunai if you know how to wield them, and Naruto learned from a master.

As we walked out of the village, Naruto began his lessons. "Hiro, have you been working on those techniques I gave you?" He nodded. "I haven't mastered them just yet, but I think I'd be comfortable using them in battle."

Naruto smirked, and pulled out his file. "Alright, I've added both the jutsu to your official list." Hiroki looked nervous. "Why haven't you told me their names yet?" Naruto looked back at him. "Remember when I told you that pride was your biggest weakness? Well, this is my solution. The two jutsu are really useful, and are the most powerful you know."

Hiroki frowned, but Naruto kept on talking. "Both jutsu involve channelling lightning chakra into your hands. In the first jutsu the chakra is extended out of the first two fingers on either hand, and in the second the chakra is pooled in your palms. Though simple to cast, they are extremely useful."

Hiroki rolled his eyes. "I know, you told me this already... What are their _names_!" Naruto replied in total deadpan. "Silly Kitty Ticklebelly and Happy Rainbow Sparkle, respectively."

Hiroki stopped. "...Why? Oh why, are they called _that_?" Naruto stopped as well. "Because no matter what happens after this point, your weakness is not going to be an issue. If you accept the jutsu as is, and call them out during battle it shows that you can do your job even if your pride gets in the way.

If you refuse to use the jutsu because of their names, then _every single time_ a situation comes up in which they would be useful you will be reminded of _exactly_ _why_ pride is a weakness."

Hiroki nodded. "Good move, but what if I just rename the jutsu? Flash Point, and Demon Spark are perfectly good and fitting names for them. I could also just not call their names when I use them"

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Yes, but that doesn't change the fact that you _are_ using the jutsu in question, which are infamous around Konoha and are registered jutsu.

If you do learn to use jutsu without calling them then I still win, because that is a habit you all need to break anyway. I'd just have to come up with a new plan later. Just face it kid, no matter what you do, I win. Which means you _lose_. The only thing you can do now is pick your poison."

Hiroki said nothing, but he didn't really need to. Naruto stopped again just before they reached the next town. He directed his Genin down a less travelled byroad. When they were suitably out of sight Naruto ordered Takeo to make a doorway using his earth jutsu.

Once that was done they walked in, and found themselves in a hallway. "This, is the hall of doors. Stay close to me, one wrong move and you'll be lost forever. I have business here, my old master owes me a favour." They walked down the hall for what seemed an eternity, doors of every conceivable size and shape lined the walls. Eventually they came across a door that was made of leather and stone.

Naruto faced am earthenware bowl next to the door, then spoke. "In order to gain audience with the Firebringer, we must each give up some thing of great value." Naruto reached into his shirt and pulled out a lock of pink hair. "I give: A token of love." He put the trinket in the bowl, and it burst into flames. He then walked in the door.

Hiroki walked up with a sullen look on his face. "I give: My pride." He made a few seals. "Happy Rainbow Sparkle!" The ball of electricity turned into a beautiful crystal with a foul blemish in its core. He placed it in the bowl, and it burst into flames. He was granted entry.

Naomi was next, and she stood in front of the bowl for a while thinking. She shuffled stuff around in her bag, and pulled out a scrapbook. "I give: A memory of happier times." She dropped a picture of her and Hiroki into the bowl, it burst into flames and she was allowed entry.

Takeo, thinking he was alone stepped up to the bowl. With a wistful smile he pulled a filthy, tattered, and beaten rabbit with button eyes out of his sack. "I give: An old friend." The sacrifice was accepted, and he was let in.

Finally there was me. I moved out of the shadows, and approached the bowl. I of course have to buy my way in as well, luckily I am allowed a bit more freedom in this dreamworld. A chance to stretch the old legs out, feel the ground under my paws. I pulled myself up near the bowl so my snout is nearly touching it. "I give: A secret that nobody knows." I whispered it into the bowl, and as I did my breath turned to into a golden wine which then burst into flames.

I sauntered into the now open door, and just in time to hear the introductions! Naruto looked to his master, and then to his students. "Kids, this is Coyote. He's an old god." Coyote smirked from upon his throne as he took in his student's wards. No doubt plotting something, sneaky old bastard that he is.

Naomi looked in awe at the being in front of them. "An... Old god?" Naruto nodded. "Yes, they are gods whose last priests have died out but still live as shadows. However Coyote-sama is different. He found a pool of untapped belief to drink from. He is effectively the god of dreams, though that was never his domain."

Coyote was a bit miffed at this. "What is a dream, but a lie we tell ourselves?" Naruto looked him straight in the eye. "That's what makes him dangerous kids. He can blur the lines between truth and fiction. He is the Trickster. A being of grey in a black and white world. His domain is the twilight, the grey between two extremes. He is neutrality given flesh. The bridge between chaos and order, black and white, good and evil... _life_ and _death_."

Coyote smiled his toothy smile in response to his student's words. "You always had such a _way_ with words young one. No doubt you got that from my foolish nephew." I let the insult pass, if only because I didn't want the kids to spot me.

Hiroki looked at Coyote for a while. "So... Is he a dog?" Coyote's tail bristled ever so slightly, the young one will one day look back at this moment and the full weight of what he just did will come to him. I just wish I can see his face when that happens! My uncle calmed himself, and spoke to him in a chiding tone. "No, I am not a dog. I am a coyote. The American Jackal, the Prairie Wolf, _Canis Latrans..."_

The kids looked at each other will dull expressions. Naruto smiled awkwardly. "They don't know any of those words. They mean nothing to them." Coyote frowned, clearly at a loss to explain what he is to them. Naruto sighed. "He's like a half fox half wolf." The kids all nodded, and Naruto smiled. Coyote smiled too, but his smile was not a happy smile. It was a warning.

Naruto apologized, and explained to him that it really is the best way to explain what he is to them. Naruto bowed before Coyote. "I want you to bestow your favour upon the young ones." Coyote looked at them once more. "Why should I? Are you claiming a boon, or is this a trade?"

Naruto smirked. "Nothing of the sort. This is an investment opportunity! You see, these Genin are going places. They'll be heroes one day, people will _believe_ in them. This is an opportunity to make a comeback, to officially claim this place. You'll be Coyote of the Dreaming, but only if your story is told. One day, someone will write of this day. Through their writings you will be given life once more."

Coyote thought about this for a time, but eventually relented. He loved stories of himself more than anything. Coyote approached Takeo, and gave him his eyes. He then moved on to Hiroki, and gave him his tongue. Then he trotted over to Naomi, to whom he gave his teeth. After that he moved to Naruto, and gave his nose. Finally, he approached me and gave his ears.

Coyote smiled a toothless grin, and told us without speaking that we will leave our original parts here when we leave. We left Coyote's den with our favours, and made our way through the hall of doors. The training had yet to truly start, this was just preparation.

With the Chuunin exam over a year away, the kids have a long journey ahead of them.


End file.
